All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
