I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
