my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
try to milk me bitch
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