is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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