I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
