I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
