I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
