Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
