I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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