His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
