what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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