I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
