You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
