alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
