you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
