my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
