we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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