My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
