That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
