Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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