I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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