Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
