Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
