someone get that fucking seahorse.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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