We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
