I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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