My first STD was from a foam party
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't notice because vodka
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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