He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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