last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
