i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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