And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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