"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
