we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
