tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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