We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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