I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
