one might say we're banned from that church
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
