Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
