and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
