I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
