Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
