Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
