Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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