Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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