it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize