Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
