Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
