i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
