Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
