Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
