hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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