does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
