When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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