that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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