The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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