Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
