Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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