i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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