i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
