So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
