My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
