did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Green mimosas i think yes
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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