So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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