even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
