Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
