he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
