He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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