if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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