I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
