Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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