if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
