i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
