Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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