Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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