Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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