He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
