this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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