If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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