he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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