Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sarcasm needs its own font
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
